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Joke of the Day

"I wear glasses because I like to dramatically remove them to display anger. It was awkward doing that with contact lenses."

"What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry"

"Q: What's black and blue and laying in a ditch? A: A guitarist who'd told too many drummer jokes."

"If ignorance is bliss then explain Facebook."

"What do you call two crows on a park bench? Attempted murder."

"[exchanging vows] HIM: I'll love you forever. HER: I'll love you until you leave me a voicemail. HIM: Wait, what?! PRIEST: No, that's fair."

"Yogi Berra has officially gone home. But he should have gone to 1st for the force out. Rip yogi Berra."

"What's A Columbian's Favorite Kind of Drink? Coke."

"Why was the shirt smelly? Because it was a heavy sweater!"

"What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with a boob job? One's a crusty bus station."