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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to name my penis Hitler... ...because with one stroke it ends millions of lives in the shower."

"How many marshmallows does it take to get to the moon? Purple, there are no bones in ice cream!"

"Set my phone to change K to Okay!! so I don't look rude. Now it looks like I'm all excited about stupid shit, and I'm Okay!! with that."

"The Wall Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work. The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country."

"The Ultimate Spoiler You all die in the end."

"I read a study about how sleep deprivation causes false memories ...I think"

"How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce ""unionized"""

"HER: We need to talk. ME: No one actually NEEDS to talk. HER: ... ME: I assume we need to talk longer now."

"[screaming over sirens] I SAID ACTUALLY YOU'RE NOT ""FIGHTING"" THE FIRE YOU'RE WATERING IT"

"When people are trending on twitter, I know that they died or said something racist."