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Joke of the Day

"Drunk texts are only fun if you're the one sending them. With that said, I'm having a blast right now."

"""Hey honey"" *drags a cigarette* ""have you ever"" *drinks some scotch* ""slept with a guy"" *sucks a lollipop* ""with three arms?"""

"I made three snow angels the other day. I skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians."

"What do bad writers use to pick up hot pans? Plot Holders."

"A photon walks through a bar"

"I Tried to Purchase Some Camouflage Clothes But I just couldn't see myself in them."

"My friend got a nice new ride, but no one wants to drive him around in it Now he's got all that car and nothing to chauffeur it."

"*Social justice ppl arrive at nintendo headquarters in japan* ""Game... BOY?"" *merciless, graphic slaughter of nintendo employees ensues*"

"I always get a ""Yes"" from women, but it's usually followed by ""That's him, officer."""

"*feminist at thanksgiving dinner* ""dad will u use your white privilege to pass the salt"""