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Joke of the Day

"ABORTION BILL A congressional aide asks a politician, ""What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?"" The politician replied, ""Shhhhh -- just pay it."""

"How did Dairy Queen wind up pregnant? Burger King didn't wrap his Whopper"

"Last night a horse asked me if I was planning on driving home. There might've been a cop on top of it."

"Lord give me coffee to change the things I can...and vodka to accept the things I cannot. Amen!"

"""Ahmed, you're parking too far away from the sidewalk."" ""Who cares, its gonna explode anyways."""

"It's amazing how many pedestrians confuse ""Right of Way"" with ""Immortality."""

"watching my cats groom each other and it feels like I should be throwing money at them"

"If there is a Wessex, Sussex, and Essex why isn't there a northern county similarly named? Cause then there would be Nosex!"

"some girls give each other the emptiest compliments I've ever heard ""aww babe ur just omg like I can't"" wtf did you just say??"

"My ex girlfriend broke up with me because I quoted Linkin Park too much. But in the end it doesn't even matter."