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Joke of the Day

"Lord give me coffee to change the things I can...and vodka to accept the things I cannot. Amen!"

"I always had the worst luck when I went fishing... Until I caught a Flounder Yesterday. My dad said it was a Fluke"

"What's the difference between toilet paper and a knife? Oh, you don't know? I won't ask you to wipe my bum then."

"What goes; green-red-green-red-green-red-green-red? A frog in my blender"

"Push me aside, but I will come back. Hide me, but I will always emerge. I AM POWER. I AM RESILIENCE. I AM A BRA STRAP."

"What do you think of Dracula films? Fangtastic!"

"How do you make a Game of Thrones fan sad? You ask them to hold the door for you."

"John went to the doctor saying that he cannot stop thinking and hear about skittles he was going crazy and paranoid. The doctor diagnosed him with Skittlophrenia."

"Friend of mine was shot at the bakery today, he is expected to make a full recovery. They say he was lucky it just glazed him, donut who did it but the cops are there."

"What's a narcissistic hooker's favorite state? Idaho."