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Joke of the Day

"When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be. Will I be pretty, will I be rich? Here's what she said to me: GO TO SLEEP."

"I just saw a man get hit by a car...he got hit & fell down & then got up & chased the car down the block!!!! His legs must be strong as shit"

"What did the grape say when I stepped on it? Nothing, but it gave up a little whine."

"The word ""Fat"" just looks like someone took a bite out of the word ""Eat""."

"A ham sandwich walks into a bar... ...and asks for a drink. The bartender replies, ""We don't serve food here."""

"Q: Whats the difference between erotic and kinky? A: Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken."

"What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head? ""I have only my shelf to blame"""

"[on Instagram] I don't really like this picture but, good for this person for still being alive and experiencing things. *likes their pic*"

"I lost 42 pounds!!! Help me find her before her mother comes back!"

"Q: What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium? A: Successive approximations."