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Joke of the Day

"[first date] me: [don't let her know you're a microwave] her: my food is a bit cold me: [my head starts slowly rotating]"

"Yelp* now has jail reviews. (true) Felon87: Try for Block C. Great ambient lighting, management is courteous & the risotto is 'to die for'."

"[at Goodwill store] *buys pants that I gave them 6 months ago*"

"A skeleton walks into a bar, and asks the barman for a ""beer"" and ""a mop""."

"Why are Mormons more like Muslims than they are like Christians? Christians are not-for-prophet organizations."

"Grandpa: ""My joints are stiff."" Me: ""Don't roll them so tight."""

"""What's your name?"" ""Who's your daddy?"" ""Is he rich like me?"" These ""reset your password"" questions are getting kind of weird."

"Some guys are afraid to finish when fapping... Not me, though. I ain't afraid of nuttin!"

"Why were the Indians the first ones here? Because they had reservations."

"Where do Knights get their armour? The hardware store. One I came up with when I was about 10."