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Joke of the Day

"[first date] me: [don't let her know you're a microwave] her: my food is a bit cold me: [my head starts slowly rotating]"

"What's 6"" long and women love it? 100$ bill."

"Why couldn't Edward leave the Airport? Because he was Snowden..."

"People setting up GoFundMe's because they can't afford a TV... Don't you know that's what lay-a-way is for?"

"I wish I had a dolphin tail so I could live with the sharks I'd be a beautiful mermaid girl in deep blue ocean"

"Why didn't the recently single goose lose her job when she made a mistake? Because she had one heck of an ex-goose"

"A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned. Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub."

"What do you call fake spaghetti? An *imposta.*"

"What do you call a lamington that weighs a lot? A lamingTON!"

"What's the difference between a preschool and a terrorist training camp? Don't ask me...I just fly the drones!"