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Joke of the Day

"I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it."

"How do you call an insanely rich proton that spent all of his money to become an electron? Ex centric"

"Comas can really change the meaning of a sentence.. For example ""Ben is in a hurry."" ""Ben is in a coma."""

"I always see homeless people walking around with cups of change. I bet they could afford a house if they werent drinking money all the time."

"I'm so glad that Twitter keeps track of my number of posts. It is so refreshing to be able to properly quantify my wasted time."

"Friend Who I Haven't Seen in a While: your kid's gotten so big! what is he, four? Me: i have no idea what he's for"

"[chess tournament] RIVAL: [plays move] ME: [knocks board aside. punches rival in face] Chess! COMMENTATOR: He's won every round this way"

"How do astronauts say they're sorry? They apollo-gize."

"When the priest says ""Body of Christ"" I say ""Thanks, I've been working out."" Then I grab the cracker and run back to my seat."

"How do you get the most apples when bobbing at Halloween Wear a snorkel !"