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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad."

"I just want to make you hot. Mess your hair up. Get your blood flowing. When I chase you around the house over the last piece of pizza."

"Just asked Siri. ""Surely it's not going to rain today?"" She said ""it will, and don't call me Shirley"" ...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode."

"""Name him Mufasa, it means ""king"" in Manazoto. And uh, we'll call HIM Scar. Because his face."" Simba's grandparents were the real villains."

"Why do greeting cards today all play songs & shit? Giving innocent folks migraines & whatnot. Go to hell, today's greeting cards!"

"The people of Iran don't watch The Flintstones... but the people of Abu Dhabi do!"

"Why do Spanish men get half price movie tickets? They take the senor discount."

"What's the difference between sixty-nining and driving in the fog? When you're driving in the fog you can't see the asshole in front of you!"

"Ugh! I always think of the best comebacks when I'm burying the body."

"I had consensual sex with a dementia sufferer... It was like HBO's Lost, it was okay when it started but by the end of it no one knew what was happening."