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Joke of the Day

"[Christopher Nolan on the set of Batman Begins] Great Batman voice, Christian! Terrific stuff! [aside] maybe Batman shouldn't talk"

"Why was Skrillex never in an orchestra? Because he would always drop the bass"

"In America child protection saves your kids from your beating In Soviet Russia child protection beats your kids"

"Wow thank you so much for whistling at me, guy in Walmart. I've never felt more beautiful."

"I showed my 3-year-old Star Wars. It blew his mind. Seriously, how do you reboot a kid? Or should I just get a new one?"

"I recently switched from Wells Fargo to a credit union... ...my banking got much simpler - bye all accounts."

"A friend was complaining about how hard it is to cook eggs sunny side up... I told him to put a lid on it."

"I know weathermen get excited about snow, but it's kind of distracting when they jerk off during the forecast."

"I just found out I stayed in the same hotel room as royalty. The dope left his bible behind"

"What do you get if you stick ur finger up a moderators ass? [DELETED]"