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Joke of the Day

"Sorry, can't. I looked away while my child was in the middle of an hour long run-on story and now he has to start all over."

"Emotions don't scare me. People who manage to hide theirs completely, do."

"I had my first PBR and it turns out that the stuff is just beer. It's just beer everyone"

"[meeting] DIRECTOR: I want amazing CGI PRODUCER: Yes! D: A huge cast P: Agreed! D: Realistic family photos P: We don't have the budget"

"This Halloween on the East Coast I heard a lot of people are going to be the Scorpions this Halloween. Because we're gonna get rocked like a hurricane."

"Using Twitter for business is like buying ad space over a urinal."

"Why was the double leg amputee sentenced to life? He had no leg to stand on."

"If you add enough jalapenos no one will ever know you're a bad cook."

"I let my blind friend borrow money He said he was gonna pay me back the next time he saw me..."

"What do you get when you cross an agnostic, dyslexic, and an insomniac? Some one who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog."