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Joke of the Day

"I started studying abroad today... ... The first thing I learned is that they don't like being called broads."

"A three-legged dog walks into a bar. ""I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw"""

"My boss asked me why I'm late, apparently answering ""because your wife wouldn't let me get out of bed"" just gets you sent to HR."

"What's the difference between an epileptic clamshell-shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea? The clamshell-shucker shucks between fits..."

"What's up? the ceiling"

"Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn't be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn't waste thousands of them in the '80s throwing them at Mario."

"*walks into lift* Guy: going down? Me: I'll need a first date for that. *silence* *doors open* Dammit Twitter!"

"Kevin Hart is performing in Baltimore tonight..... Should be a riot :p"

"""Sorbet"" is a French word that means, ""I wish it was ice cream."""

"Why did the Boston Marathon runner collapse before finishing the race? (WTF?) His thighs were burning too bad."