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Joke of the Day

"I love the way the Earth rotates... It makes my day."

"how do I know I'm old? I can hear teens having a good time and I'm mad about it"

"Fear Factor would have been much scarier if it had just been people in their twenties trying to figure out how to have careers"

"Someone just stole my lemon loaf.... Out of everything that happened today, they really took the cake"

"What's a mathematician's favorite plant? Geometry"

"What is Shrek's most annoying problem? Swamp Ass."

"How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, except she scissors it in."

"Speed-dating, but it's just me going from table to table stealing fries from unsuspecting couples gazing longingly into each other's eyes"

"[getting my picture taking with the sports team mascot] ""I know you're not really an armadillo"""

"My dentist just looked in my mouth and said something is gonna have to come out. I suspect he's talking about my wallet."