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Joke of the Day

"[job interview] HR: Says here you're very good at multi-tasking *me taking a selfie & spinning in chair HR: *whispering ""wow he's good"""

"""Did you bring your LIST?"" -Everyone who sees Craig at the supermarket, probably"

"A married couple were fighting... ...when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, ""Family of yours?"" The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, ""Yea, in-laws."""

"If I ever go missing and theres a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms."

"A programmers wife tells him... A programmers wife tells him: Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen. The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread..."

"You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice."

"For me, racism is the same as masturbating. I don't approve of it, but I'm pretty damn good at it. (Credits to Ronald Goedemondt)"

"Apparently speed dating doesn't involve taking amphetamines. UGH. Worst night ever."

"Why do Italians carry slices of turd in their wallets? For identification."

"Just joined Anonymous Anonymous. This time I'm serious about breaking my addiction to hacking government websites."