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Joke of the Day

"Why was the dolphin depressed? It had no porpoise in life"

"Just made eye contact with an old guy as he slowly licked an ice cream cone. Great, like I don't have enough shit keeping me up at night."

"Hush little baby, Don't say a word. Daddy's gonna buy you a bunch of crap so he doesn't have to hear your incessant whining ya spoiled brat."

"People laughed when I said I wanted to be a professional snooker player. They're not laughing now because it was ages ago."

"Heard they are making the Tetris movie into a trilogy... They must think its going to be a real blockbuster."

"What is the best Vitamin for friendship? B1. Because no one wants to be friends with a guy in a metabolic coma due to a thiamine deficiency."

"I can go from 2 to 0 testicles in 1.0 spiders."

"Happy Birthday Ray Rice! I offered to bring punch to the party but, his wife said she already had enough."

"What do Downton Abbey and Premenstrual Syndrome have in common? They're both period drama"

"Holland break FIFA rules by accidentally scoring against Brazil"