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Joke of the Day

"Damn girl, are you today's date? Because you are 10/10"

"What is green and glides down a mountain? A skiwi"

"Snail Boss: under skills you've put 'quick reflexes' Snail: [2 hours later] that's right SB: [3 hours later] holy heck, when can you start?"

"Why can't you hear pterodactyls go to the toilet? Because the 'p' is silent."

"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon, and Michael Jackson rapes kids and gets away with it."

"I'm doing 'Angry Yoga' tonight. It's just lying on a mat and drinking a bottle of wine as I shout at my thighs."

"The GF goes away for 10 days, *shits going to get wild * sleeps in middle of bed"

"Wake up, kids! Bees can't even read, much less spell. IT'S A SCAM!"

"What's the difference between a Grayhound station and a lobster who got a boob job? Ones a crusty ass bus station, the other is a busty ass crustacean."

"What's the new French flag look like? A white cross emblazoned on a white background!"