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Joke of the Day

"No one cares if you go to the bathroom. In fact, you are the only one who gives a shit."

"TIL: Every ship is equipped to be a minesweeper at least once"

"Why don't I take my guinea pigs on walksies It's hard on my cavies"

"If I ever commit suicide, I wanna jump off a cliff w/an open umbrella so people wonder if I thought it would bring me safely to the ground."

"My dick was once in the book of world records... But then I got kicked out of the library."

"Roses are red Violets are blue Who shit in my garden?"

"A black man enters a bar... with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender, all surprised and shocked, said; - That's cool! Where did you get that? - In Africa, replied the parrot."

"Your Harvard education doesn't make me respect you more - it makes me respect Harvard less."

"SECURITY GUARD: ""Sir, I have to check all backpacks"" ME: ""ok"" *opens backpack* *its full of hundreds of tiny backpacks*"

"This Mother's Day, my dad got a new car for my mom. He said it was the best trade he's ever made"