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Joke of the Day
"What happens when you mix roofies and Viagra? Ring toss."
Next Joke
"Are you an old person? Because I would love to give you a stroke!"
"Maternity. Sounds like you're going to be pregnant forever."
"Kill someone with an icecream cone and eat it afterward. They can't convict with no murder weapon. It's the perfect crime. Plus, ice cream."
"*white girls at restaurant* *orders 5 course meal* *posts pictures of food onto Instagram* ""Check! We're done here"" *leaves without eating*"
"Ryan Seacrest and Ellen Degeneres are the same person. #fact"
"Me: A coworker called me 'Papa Hemingway' today. Her: Because of your beard? Me: Well it wasn't because of my Nobel in Literature."
"Nice job Instagramming your plane ticket with enough personal information to take out a mortgage in your name."
"I went to the zoo the other day. It was empty, except for a single dog... It was a shih tzu :)"
"What kind of coffee do terrorists hate? French press. (Too soon?)"