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Joke of the Day

"Did you know love doesn't matter? It doesn't have mass and doesn't occupy space."

"COP: do you know why I pulled you over ME: knock knock COP: who's there ME: do you know why I pulled you over COP: *begins to sweat* n..no"

"When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend But it was just my imaginasian."

"Who did the pirate lose his virginity to? His first mate."

"What did the sunbathing mother say to Michael Jackson as he walked by on the beach? Would you please move? You're in my sun."

"With the brexit news, they say the pound is failing. They're calling it the ounce, now."

"Cashier: how old r u? Me:*holding beer nervously* uuh 21 Cashier:*shaking his head sadly as he pulls Trix out of my cart* Trix are for kids."

"Why did Hitler really commit suicide? He got the gas bill"

"Why were the 2 in love melons upset? Because they cantaloupe. (The wife thought of this one... hopefully nobody else has posted it)"

"I'm probably 0 for 400 in looking for safes behind wall paintings"