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Joke of the Day

"I wish I were a Jedi. I don't want to use the Force or anything. I just want to hang out in my bathrobe all day."

"What does crossing the Niagara on a tightrope and being given a blowjob by a 90-year old have in common? You don't want to look down"

"If two vegans fight is it still considered beef? Sorry for the unoriginal joke, have an invisible flying potato."

"What's the best thing about 12yr old girl in the shower Slick her hair back and she looks like an 11yr old boy"

"[signing birth certificate] wife: you put Owen, right? me: yup nurse: Now we'll just need a footprint from little [reading] ""Owned"""

"Who do they get for Babe the pig's dangerous movie scenes? A stunt ham."

"*Asteroid is hurtling toward Earth* ESPN Broadcaster: This asteroid could have an enormous impact on the playoffs."

"I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself."

"Why was the surfer such a bad cook? All he could handle was the microwave"

"Q: What did one hat say to the other hat? A: You stay here. I'll go on a head."