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Joke of the Day

"[signing birth certificate] wife: you put Owen, right? me: yup nurse: Now we'll just need a footprint from little [reading] ""Owned"""

"A drunk was seen by a cop thrusting his hips every couple of steps as he staggered down the road. Cop catches up to him and asks him what he was doing? Drunk says...... Fucking nothing."

"Q: How does an octopus go to war? A: Armed."

"Life is basically all the stuff you have to do to get from coffee time to whiskey time."

"Ever wondered why is being gay a sin? It's simple. We all know 69 as a sex position. Satan's own number is 666. Now think about gays, and 666 as a sex position."

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a six-offender!"

"Some people rescued a great white shark that washed up on a beach, just like sharks would do for us if we were carried out into the ocean."

"I have a bit of a sinking feeling about today I feel like it's a day of titanic proportions, but my memory of what it could be is completely drowned out."

"My circle of trust is a meatball"

"I've decided to give karate a break for a little while... I guess you could say I am going on a HI-YA-tus."