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Joke of the Day

"I was going to cover my bathroom floor with dead baby skin... My wife told be that would be infant tile."

"If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone."

"Accidentally walked into the women's bathroom, went ahead and peed sitting down so it wouldn't be awkward for anyone."

"Can we still see the Grand Canyon from the air or has the government put a giant tarp over it?"

"What Do They Call You? You build one ship - do they call you a ship builder? NO You build on bridge - do they call you a bridge builder? NO But you suck just one cock"

"How do you call it when a girl kicks a boy in the groin during the first date? Premature emasculation."

"The best way to stop uninvited guests from stopping by your home is to always answer the door naked."

"Doctor Doctor I'm having trouble with my breathing. I'll give you something that will soon put a stop to that!"

"My buddy's PRETTY drunk... So I took the car key off of his keychain... He's been trying to start his car with a house key for 4 hours now"

"Monday morning, still sore from my run and all I have at work is acetaminophen, meaning if I take it I can't drink until like 11AM."