197612

Joke of the Day

"Accidentally walked into the women's bathroom, went ahead and peed sitting down so it wouldn't be awkward for anyone."

"What is that red stuff on your face? I said to my older cousin what was that red stuff on his face. ""Where?"" He said. I said , as I was forming a punch then punch is fucking face. ""Right there."""

"What does OP and DiGiorno have in common?"

"Why is the ocean salty? Because the land doesn't wave back"

"*at funeral* Thank you all for coming. As you already know, my dignity has left us. I tripped in front of all my coworkers. It was tragic."

"There's a 100% chance the Republicans will discuss Starbucks cups in a debate tonight, so remember that when they ask how they lost in 2016."

"What's the difference between a $1000 used car and a Rolls-Royce? One's a grand car and the other's a grand car"

"*Buys map of world, pins up on wall *Throws dart, swears to visit wherever it lands *packs for wall 3 feet away *has an amazing time at wall"

"So I went to an orgy at a campsite last night.... It was fucking intense."

"I sponsor one of those poor kids on TV. He sends me nice letters, I mail him pictures of me smiling, throwing away food."