197612

Joke of the Day

"Accidentally walked into the women's bathroom, went ahead and peed sitting down so it wouldn't be awkward for anyone."

"Why do pill bottles have cotton in them? To remind blacks in America that they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers."

"Cop: FREEZE, DON'T MOVE!!! Me: *stops moving* Cop: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND Me:... Cop: NOW! Me:... Me:... Cop: for the love of god...unfreeze"

"I was gonna make a joke about Sodium and Hydrogen but NaH"

"If we could only get rid of the federal government this country could be a libertarian paradise like Somalia"

"Why does no one like the swiss army? Because they are all a bunch of tools."

"Friend: I need your advice. Me: Wear less eyeshadow. Friend: I meant about my love life. Me: Friend: Me: Friend: Me: Wear less eyeshadow."

"The guy who made my sandwiches told me Have Fun as he handed them to me. Not sure what he thinks I was gonna do wit them"

"My girlfriend kept asking me why I wasn't giving her the time of day anymore I said fine! It's 10:43"

"Trying to explain to H that when the doctor said he can have one red wine a day, he didn't mean bottle."