142839

Joke of the Day

"Me: *slowly unzips footed jammies* Him: Heyyy...you uh...wanna fool around? Me: What? No, I just lost an M&M in my onesie"

"What do you call a cow with no legs? A veterinarian"

"excuse me, waitress? ""I'm not a waitress"" Oh, what are you then ""Well, I'm a..*turns to other burger king employee* what the hell are we?"""

"I like my lantern like I like my metal Core"

"Dude you hear about the drug lab explosion? It was a real meth."

"A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet."

"If Twitter has taught me anything it's that the best career choice is divorce lawyer."

"What's the difference between herpes and friends? I don't have any friends."

"Don't trust an atom They make up everything."

"Chivalry died the same time you stopped being a lady, honey."