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Joke of the Day
"World Peace."
Next Joke
"Me: ""Siri, why am I single?"" Siri: *opens front face camera*"
"I'm not sure what this guy shaking a cup of change at people wants. He must just be bragging that he has change."
"Why is it warmer near the corners of a room? Cause they're at 90 degrees."
"Me: How many legs does the dog have? 4 y.o: Five Me: There's something wrong with your counting. 4: There's something wrong with the dog."
"I love being a mom. I just left the vacuum running in front of my teenagers door until he woke up. Should have done what I asked, lil shit!"
"I saw a black guy running down the street carrying a tv I thought for a second, ""man that looks a lot like mine' so I ran home quick and nope there was mine still shining my shoes."
"Yes, it might be the wrong word but at least it is spelled correctly - autocorrect"
"In High School they used to call me Big Tim, but it wasn't because of my height, Ladies ;).... .....its because I was Morbidly Obese."
"It's Cultural Appropriation Day.. O wait the Irish aren't Pussies."