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Joke of the Day

"What do dwarfs and midgets have in common? Very little."

"I felt a twinge of sadness when I released my daughter would be leaving for college in a year. I have to wait a whole fucking year"

"""Babe I'm ready for bed"" ""Why so early its the weekend?"" [background] ""Next up Channel 6 News reveals Ashley Madison's local business men"""

"I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn't care..... Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0"

"Nothing against fat chicks having high self-esteem Just not yoga pants high"

"You know what really gets my goat? The Chupacabra"

"How do you know when to use ""fridge"" or ""refrigerator""? Open it, if there's a 'd' in it, it's a fridge."

"I think my penis is sick!!! I was playing with him this morning and he threw-up in my hand."

"Dear prisoners: How about liquid soap? You're welcome."

"My fridge should be called Kraft... cos it's full of sliced singles, individually wrapped in plastic."