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Joke of the Day

"Why did the whale have to go see his doctor? His diet was krill-in him."

"Six hour flight home I'm stuck in the middle seat and the lady behind me won't stop saying ""awesomesauce"" pray for me please"

"*brings a gun to a knife fight* *brings a gun to a pillow fight* *brings a gun to a food fight* who keeps inviting this guy"

"It's not love until you don't want them to have a good time without you."

"UNZIP - ZIP UNZIP - ZIP UNZIP - ZIP UNZIP - ZIP UNZIP - ZIP UNZIP - ZIP UNZIP - ZIP *looking for condom in my ""Beat It"" zipper jacket*"

"I lost my watch at a party once... Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the guy, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl...not on my watch."

"What does an accountant call a friend's birthday party? (x-post from /r/tax) A present liability!"

"""We don't serve faster than light neutrinos in here"", said the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar."

"Donald Trump is the president elect of the United States. I am still not sure if it belongs here or in r/politics (?)"