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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a lawyer and a teenage boy? One is a master debater. The other is a masterbater."

"A girl picking up the phone in the middle of sex is a free pass to get weird."

"Someone asked a ship captain if the rumor that he can't swim is true. ""Yes,"" he replied. ""Can pilots fly?"""

"What's the difference between Santa and a black man? Santa stops after the third Ho"

"In Korean restaurant w/my son & Korean waitress says to him""Hi, how are you""? ""Sorry I don't speak Chinese"" Great. I've raised a douche!"

"Calm down, people on FB who ran the Detroit marathon. I'd be running a shit load too if I were in Detroit."

"What's the difference between organized crime and politics? One's organized."

"Does anyone want a free microwave? Contact me. We can talk about how we both want a free microwave"

"Why did Florence Welch sing 'Sweet Nothing'? Because she was out of lemo-nada. It's okay guys, i'll let myself out..."

"My finger broke through the toilet paper so I dunked my hand in liquid nitrogen and shattered it with a hammer."