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Joke of the Day

"I wanna get HAMMERED tonight. Seriously? Yeah, drunk as hell, bro. Riiight. Of course, of course. *quietly slides hammer back into sleeve*"

"My nan's star sign is cancer. It's pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten by a giant crab."

"If I was a drunk superhero, I'm pretty sure I'd be ""I Love You Man"""

"Your ex is posting passive-aggressive spiritual memes again"

"What do you call Batman when he skips church? Christian Bale"

"The only way coffee could be any better would be if you had to suck it out of a boob."

"What do you call a pimp without a cane? A caneless pimp."

"i found out how to kill vegetarian vampires a steak to the heart"

"What kind of cell phone doesn't have a lock? A Nokia"

"Is your last name Stilton? *insert cheesy pickup line here...*"