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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when people compare Freddy Mercury to God. I mean God is great and all but he's no Freddy Mercury"

"'What just cracked?' A guide to aging."

"Jimmy Eat World Jimmy Sorry Jimmy Not Know You Were Saving It Jimmy Pick Up Another One On The Way Home"

"How are America and McDonald's similar? They are both run by red-headed clowns."

"What's the difference between broccoli and boogers? You can't get kids to eat broccoli."

"How does an octopus go to war? Armed."

"Just give me a sec. I'm still waiting for IE8 to open a new tab. A blank tab. Waiting... Still waiting... There it is."

"Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough."

"Decaf only works if you throw it on people."

"It's polite to stand when a lady comes to the table. I take it a step further and leave the restaurant entirely."