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Joke of the Day

"How many people do the cops need to kill in order to start a riot? 3/5ths"

"i once had a beautiful wife, she was always the prettiest when she was asleep. Unfortunately she died after i gave her too many sleeping pills."

"If scientists weren't so busy advancing yogurt technology, we'd have flying cars by now."

"What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!"

"I was flirting with an Asian girl at a bar last night when I decided to ask for her number. She replied, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 6663629""."

"A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register."

"The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight."

"A liar, a murderer, and a cheater walk into a bar. The New England Patriots must be in town."

"Quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail is as easy as 1-2-5"

"Running and Cars He who runs in front of car gets tired. He who runs behind car gets exhausted."