142034
Joke of the Day
"I saw a homeless man and gave him $1.00. I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77."
Next Joke
"[first date at a chinese restaurant] ""So are you more of a dog or a cat person?"" *reading menu* I was thinking orange chicken but you do you"
"My girlfriend lost the key to her chastity belt. But she's too lazy to go looking for it. She can't be fucked."
"Just bought Rosetta Stone for Starbucks."
"[trying to get a massage] How much for a happy ending? ""Sir, this is a library!"" *whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending?"
"Have you ever done it kitty style? It's like doggy style, but with purring, scratching and biting."
"she had the body of Serena Williams and the penis of Serena Williams"
"INTERVIEWER: Says here you have sloth-like reflexes? ME: *calls interviewer 3 years later* That is correct."
"Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw."
"2 fish. there are 2 fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says, ""How the fuck do you drive this thing?"""