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Joke of the Day

"What did the optical illusion say when he got caught cheating on his wife ""It's not what it looks like!"""

"What kind of bird is the best pornstar? A swallow."

"I have a midget friend... He's epileptic and makes pizzas for a living. I call him ""Little Seizures""."

"Son: I'm gay, dad. Dad: no I'm gay dad Dad #2: no I'm gay dad"

"What kind of coat does a vampire wear in the rain? A wet one."

"No recovering from getting your arm stuck in a Pringles can on a first date."

"Me: I've had this for 3 weeks & I'm still single! HomeDepot Clerk: ma'am, a stud finder is for the beams in your wall Me: that was unclear"

"""What do we want?!!"" ""PSYCHIC POWERS! NOW!"" ""When do we want it?!!"""

"I'm so hungry, I could eat this food without even instagraming it first. No, but seriously, I'm going to instagram it first. Don't be crazy"

"Two lorry's crashed into each other, one containing terrapins the other containing tortoises... It was a turtle disaster."