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Joke of the Day

"Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."

"When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just ""Morning,"" don't be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ ""Noon."" Seriously, what did ya expect?"

"What do you call scriptures for blind people? The holy braille"

"Some call it alcoholism, I call it ""keeping my emotions hydrated"""

"My dick may be short... ...but it sure is skinny."

"Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th."

"I'm thinking of something really stupid to tweet -all of us all the time"

"I heard that the majority of car accidents happen within 15 minutes of home So I decided to move 30 minutes away"

"My girlfriend said we can have sex on days that start wit ""T""... ...Tomorrow."

"Where were the first French fries made? ...in grease"