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Joke of the Day

"What did the Officer say after arresting the crooked cook? ""I just booked a cook for cooking the books."""

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"[Snail Court] Snail Lawyer: Permission to approach the bench, Your Honor? Snail Judge: I'm sorry; we don't have that kind of time."
"[opens fortune cookie] be careful what you wish for [opens another] this is your final warning"
"Letting the grocery bagger bring my groceries out sounds nice but I can't handle trying to remember where I parked in front of a stranger."
"What do you call a political conservative woman who is required to always be there? Amanda Tory"
"Sure, I'd love to Skype with you. Just hold on a sec while I brush my hair and undergo various cosmetic surgery procedures."
" Why do Retirees smile all the time? Because they can't hear a word you're saying!"
"How do skeletons greet each other? Bon'nichiwa"
"What did General Patton do on Thanksgiving? He gave tanks."
"One man including myself thinks I am funny. I came up with this a minute ago."
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