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Joke of the Day

"A husband says to his wife... ""I killed 5 flies today. 2 were female, 3 were male."" Wife asks: ""How do you know?"" Husband says: ""2 were on the phone and 3 were on the beer can."""

"Why is the sand so quiet? Because the waves keep going ""shhhhhh""."

"Ebay products are like sex You look at it online a lot but never see it in real life"

"I almost confused a laxative and Ibuprofen and that would have changed my plans for the evening significantly"

"Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff? tequila"

"Threesome So, I finally talked my wife into having a threesome... So she said the only condition is that she pick the other girl... So I told her no... I will pick both of them.."

"Humility is one of those things you can't really brag about having."

"always carrying a megaphone in case you have to sigh at someone far away"

"X: I hate when the cat just stands like that, frozen. Why does he do that? Me: He's on paws. X: ... Me: On... paws. X: I hate you so much."

"Me: The salad with chicken, cheese and can you put it between slices of bread? Waiter: So a sandwich? Me: I'd prefer if we called it a salad"