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Joke of the Day

"maybe babys cry bc theyve realized their potential for greatness decreases w/ each passing secomd until they die an old soul w/ lost dreams"

"i got you a candy necklace for a present but then something happened so i got you this string instead"

"So if something's not ""unique"" then it's just ""ique,"" right?"

"I bet in Somalia a kid has been like ""I'm so hungry!"" and another's like ""Third world problem!"" and they both laugh and die and stuff."

"100 years ago, 20 white men chasing a black man was called the Klu Klux Klan. Now it's called the F1."

"I prefer to think in terms of ""good"" cholesterol and ""misunderstood"" cholesterol."

"Nine months from now we'll have an adorable, pooping reminder of The Night the Internet Wasn't Working."

"Batman (1989): An orphan fights a clown"

"My wife heard it's seductive to bite her lip... I don't have the heart to tell her it's meant to be the bottom one."

"WOW! You do a dazzling imitation of a blithering idiot! Oh... You're being serious, about your love for your TC? Oh dear, this is awkward."