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Joke of the Day

"After being robbed in Paris Kim Kardashian has been silent, Kanye cancelled concerts, and Keeping Up With The Kardashians filming has been suspended...... Best gift from France ever!!!"

"Who is Shrek's favorite basketball player? Shrekquille O'Neal I'm sorry"

"My dad worked on a car assembly line for 40 years. He retired years ago but still struggles with post pneumatic press disorder."

"Apparently, people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones... ...But people in Abu Dhabi DOOOOOOO!"

"[finding a secret passage in my NYC-apartment that leads to a corpse-filled torture dungeon] HOLY SHIT LOOK AT ALL THIS EXTRA SPACE I HAVE!"

"*opens briefcase and presentation about 9/11 conspiracies falls out* But that means [cut to my son giving presentation about cool dinosaurs]"

"Why can't Mexicans play Uno? They'll steal all the green cards"

"An unconvincing lie on a resume I good English speak."

"Females will stop speaking to their friends over the littlest things, but will forgive the same trifling ass dude a millions times."

"Doctor, Doctor!! I think my wife is dead. What do you mean you ""think"" she's dead, either she is or she isn't. Well, the sex is the same but the dishes in the sink are piling up."