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Joke of the Day

"""let's put computers and keyboards in our cars. now let's go catch all the people typing on tiny keyboards in their cars"" - cops"

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"Those who hesitate... masturbate"
"What do you call?? What do you call a French terror attack in America? Opening day for Batman"
"Chuck Norris has a roundhouse-kick app for his iPhone 8.0"
"How do you get the emo out of the tree? Cut the rope."
"Had A Fight With An Erection This Morning Beat it single handedly."
"I've just been reading a book all about lubricant... It's a fantastic piece of non-friction."
"""I have a hunch."" - Inspector Quasimodo"
"[girlfriend yelling] You have an unhealthy attachment to your pets with weird names! [she knocks over my dead hamster's shrine] GILGAMESH!"
"Kristen gave Sally 3 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. Todd gave Sally 5 flowers and 3 stuffed animals. What does Sally have? Cancer."