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Joke of the Day

"Open your mind before your mouth."

"Steve would be a terrible name for a pegasus."

"Please continue to tell me how the life you created for yourself is so miserable instead of taking actual steps to change it."

"Two brothers wrote an exam. One got in, the other didn't. The one who didn't get in got in the second time. His TWIN chance was what got him in."

"Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere"

"I just got rear ended... ...and as I got out of the car, without even realizing how funny it was, I said ""That's a pain in the ass"" True story."

"If I could go back to my childhood with the knowledge I have today, I'd probably earn the nickname 'little pervert'."

"Last night I hooked up with Edward Snowden's sister. believe me, she's the REAL whistle blower."

"I had an omelette with FIVE different types of mushroom this morning. It truly was a Breakfast of Champignons."

"it's always sad when you have to take your sick goldfish out to the pasture and shoot it in the head."