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Joke of the Day

"I hate my job at the crematorium But at last I urn a paycheck."

"I gave my girlfriend a birthday celebration that lasted only half a minute After all, it was her thirty second birthday."

"Hey, boy. Are you a Swiss army knife? Because you're a smaller, less effective version of everything I need."

"A guy walks into a bar... ouch"

"why didn't the clothing drive at the homeless shelter not work out? ..nobody gave a shirt."

"What do you call a virgin redneck? A 7 year old who can run faster than her brothers."

"Cute Internet Girl: This guy is pretty funny, I think I'll fol- Me: *Human Cannonballs my way into her living room* HELLO!"

"What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross country!"

"Do you like yogurt? I bet I like it more than you. I'd put money on it. I'll come to your fucking house."

"How did the mathematician treat his constipation? He worked it out with a pencil."