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Joke of the Day

"[opens fortune cookie] -You will have a great night ""aw, that's neat, wait there's more"" [unrolls note further] marish clown assassinate you"

"How do you know when your gf is getting fat? When she fits into your wifes clothes"

"Knock Knock... Knock Knock Who's there? Tom Hulce. Tom Hulce who? That's Hollywood."

"How many Ferguson police officers does it take to change a lightbulb? None... they just shoot the room for being black."

"I ask Google the questions I'm too scared to ask other people."

"Some of my friends have been making very hurtful remarks about my choosing to wear mittens rather than gloves... ...but I don't like to point fingers..."

"How do you know if you sisters on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood."

"What's orange and can't climb a tree? Donald Trump."

"what did the doctor say to the midget? you'll just have to be a little patient"

"What is the first sign of AIDS? Sharp pounding sensation in your ass."