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Joke of the Day

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip."

"I used to have a bird called ""Stockholm syndrome"" who lived on my shoulder. I used to hate the bastard, but in the end, he grew on me."

"Thanks for explaining the word many to me. It means a lot."

"Domestic violance in progress. When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on."

"Traffic wardens are so nice in my area... they always leave notes on my car like 'Parking fine'. edit: this joke is fucking awful"

"What kind of bees eat brains? Zombees"

"What's the difference between a useless golfer and a useless skydiver? The home golfer goes WHACK! ""Oh no!"" Whereas with the skydiver it's vice versa"

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Marie Antionette Barbie ...with removable head; guillotine included"

"There was a social anxiety convention No one showed up."

"[arguing w girlfriend] Her: I feel like we have communication problems. Me: srsly? wow I text u like every day."