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Joke of the Day

"If kids get their mouths washed out with soap for saying naughty words are we supposed to wash their hands for typing them?"

"What do confused owls say? Too-whit-to-why?"

"""Mom! I'm going out!"" - You're not leaving this house until you change that miniskirt - Why not? - Because I can see your balls, Richard."

"What's the sound of a one-handed corpse clapping? Dead silence. What's the sound of a one-handed zombie clapping? Undead silence. Thanks to my gaming group for those."

"It's a good thing this video game is rated mature because it's going to be babysitting the kids tonight."

"I am going to follow a random gang of drunk girls around the night club tonight, and just be in the background of all of their photos."

"Adult me must concede that a major contributor to global warming was kid me leaving the front door open and heating the whole goddam world."

"David Attenborough voice ""Amazing. See how the youngest of the species always needs something when the mother is in the bathroom."""

"Dear people posting pics of things they got for Valentine's Day: Please stop it! Spare us the cheesiness and keep that sh!t to yourself. Sincerely, Single People"

"Even death can't get you out of the friend zone... she'll be at your funeral like ""he was like a brother to me"""