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Joke of the Day

"what does my dad and christmas crackers have in common? they show up once a year to make me cringe with their dad jokes, and then give me a shitty gift."

"One day I mixed my girlfriend up with flour and butter then I stirred in some milk and sugar. She's scone now..."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station , and the other's a busty crustacean!"

"What do all failing students in New Orleans have in common? They are all below ""C level""."

"Me: ""I came to Twitter to be creative and express myself."" Twitter: lol, you said ""came""."

"Chemistry Joke Potassium and Oxygen went on a date. It was OK."

"Hush little baby, Don't say a word. Daddy's gonna buy you a bunch of crap so he doesn't have to hear your incessant whining ya spoiled brat."

"ENGLAND: people are CROSSING OUR BORDERS for ECONOMIC ADVANCEMENT!!! THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED WORLD FROM LIKE 1583 to 1997: u don't say"

"So far I've kept my resolution to not date any super models."

"If Yo Yo Ma doesn't answer the phone by saying ""cello"" then I consider his entire life a failure."