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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station , and the other's a busty crustacean!"

"i said no to the dress & now my familys being held against their will in an undisclosed location theyve already sent me two of my son's toes"

"Have you heard about the deaf guy? I don't think he did either."

"Today, I cleaned the house. It was awesome. My favorite part was finding things I didn't remember having. Like where'd these kids come from?"

"Can someone wake me up when this nightmare is over? *lies on floor, closes eyes tight* (in customer service line at Walmart)"

"I like my women like I like my coffee... Hot and all over my lap."

"Why did Sarah Palin endorse Donald Trump? Because it takes a cunt to recognize another."

"Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping and the other third making viral videos."

"Does a farmer eat female sheep? Ewe, no."

"Your teeth are like the stars Yellow and separated."