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Joke of the Day

"ENGLAND: people are CROSSING OUR BORDERS for ECONOMIC ADVANCEMENT!!! THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED WORLD FROM LIKE 1583 to 1997: u don't say"

"Why did the bear run around his bed? He wanted to catch up on his sleep."

"How do you know a presidential candidate is lying? Their lips are moving."

"what do you call a French OP a baguette"

"If you gave me a blowjob while in the shower, I'd probably shampoo and condition your hair while you do it."

"Religious orders are more than just a sacrament They're a habit, too."

"Failed my biology test today... They asked, ""What is commonly found in cells?"" Apparently ""black people"" wasn't the correct answer."

"I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I'm sorry. but I've moved on."

"-gestures to everything in the Garage- Me- THESE ARE MY TOOLS AND I AM THEIR KING!!! Wife- YOU'RE a tool Me- DAMN RIGHT I AM Wait..what?"

"Where's Jesus when you need him. There's only 2 fish sticks left and I've got company coming."