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Joke of the Day

"You had me at ""various dipping sauces"""

"What is the dumbest animal in the jungle? The polar bear!"

"What's Mr. T's favorite band? the Foo Fighters"

"I hate when I'm cruising in my convertible, hair blowing in the wind, then realize I'm just sitting on my ride-on lawnmower. Drunk. Again."

"He whispered in my ear that he liked being called daddy. I whispered back that I liked being called a cab."

"Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? A: It only takes one nail to hang the picture."

"So I read this book about a camping trip, It was really intents... I'll see myself out."

"Lies I tell at work: ~ I'm sorry I said that ~ I didn't mean to offend you ~ It won't happen again ~ Of course I don't think you're an idiot"

"I call my dick Little Ceasers. It's hot and ready but it tastes like shit."

"I Once Tried to Break the World Record for Most Records Broken Suffice to say, the employees at Village Music World were not happy with me."