141081

Joke of the Day

"*el chapo dies* God: okay I'm gonna have to send you to hell Chapo: ok *3 weeks later* Angel: El Chapo has escaped from hell"

"Did you know that men are more successful than women in committing suicides? Ladies, can you gals do anything right?"

"""Chivalry isn't dead,"" I say, watching one zombie hold the door open for another."

"Did you know there is going to be a spin-off from that old show touched by an angel It's going to be called Touched by a Priest."

"What's the difference between America and a yogurt? If you leave a yogurt alone for 200 years, it WILL develop a culture ;-)"

"How many MRAs does it take to screw in a light bulb? Tires need changing too you know!"

"What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump? Trump wears more makeup."

"Waiter I can't eat this meat it's crawling with maggots ! Quick run to the other end of the table and grab it as it goes by !"

"""Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it I better call the police!"" - literally no one ever"

"Don't you just hate it when you meet a hot girl, you look her up on Facebook and find there are fucking 150 + mutual friends and nobody told you about her. Thanks a lot assholes."