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Joke of the Day

"After eating four cans of alphabet soup I had a huge vowel movement. Ba-dum tss"

"I'm writing a book on procrastination I'm only on page 1 sadly"

"My roommate was complaining to me that his favorite P!nk song never came on the radio. And i was like, ""so what?"" I'll show myself out."

"Look at the name 'Morgan Freeman' and then TRY not to read things in Morgan Freeman's voice. See? You can't."

"What do you call a group of Mexicans smoking weed? Baked beans"

"Q: Why don't blondes like buttered toast? A: They can't figure out which side the butter goes on."

"I'm going to save my resolution for 2015, I think I want to be an asshole for another year."

"I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it."

"What do they call Independence Day in France? A Royale-free with cheese! (Happy [Bastille Day](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastille_Day)!)"

"What did one Japanese man say to the other? Something in Japanese."